yup.. you're reading that right.

i love him.. .a lot

i miss him... a lot

but i don't think i want to be with him

even if we're going to have a child together

meeting my daddy biboy is the best thing that happened to me. the two months i spent with him are the best two months of my life. i felt that he feels the same way about me

but that was then

last week i saw him exchanging emails with the same girl he cheated his ex with. he told her how much he misses the girl, how he won't forget her, how much he wanted to date her had she emailed him while he was here in the phils. the emails were dated 23rd of April, 4 days after he left! so i don't think he's being homesick, no no

what hurts the most is during that time i remember him telling me how much he misses me, and he even cried once. so during that time, he was also reminiscing about the "stolen" times he spent with the girl, while he still had a girlfriend

so there were three emails. there's him asking about the girl's boyfriend, though. but at the end he asked her out, saying that should the girl have emailed him earlier, he could have dated her because of their "pinagsamahan". finish whatever they started, perhaps?

he didn't even tell the girl that he's got a girlfriend - me!

i know i shouldn't have been affected, because whatever relationship they had - which is also illicit - happened in the past, before he even met me. but i can't help it. not when i knew of all this after i found out i was pregnant. not really a good thing for a preggy girl to go through

what made it worse for me, was the girl wasn't even his ex-girlfriend! it was just someone introduced to him, they went out a few times, made out a few times as well - on his girlfriend's back! god knows, he might even have slept with her, although he won't admit it to me.

oh, and when asked, he said that his ex knew he was seeing the other girl, but forgave him. his ex didn't know he was also lip locking that other girl

i knew he had a few girlfriends - my guy was good looking. but he didn't tell me about this affair he had. all the time i've been honest to him - i've told him bout my ex, my flings, some other stuff i did - but he can't even be honest to me

of course i blew my top off when i found out. i forgave him - heck, those were just emails. he was claiming he doesn't mean what he said in those emails. he just said those... just because he wasn't thinking...

and he wants to impress her by telling her he misses her, wont forget her, and he's been looking for her everywhere

lame excuse

i still can't understand why he has to tell the girl that when he doesn't really mean it

all the time he was telling me he loves me, he was thinking of that other girl

men

my guy has been telling he loves me, and he won't hurt me again. he broke my trust. it was a small thing - just emails, throw in a few internet chats or so - but still he hurt me real bad. God knows i've been crying every night, thinking about how he can't be honest to me, when i've been nothing but honest to him

am i really a girl no guy would take seriously? after what i've been through, don't i deserve to be happy?

he has been telling me that he wants to marry me when he comes back. how could i be sure that he won't seek out that other girl and continue whatever affair they had? what if another person from his past came back to haunt him? what if he gets introduced to another girl and he falls into temptation - again?

i wish he won't do that to me

i know i might be being paranoid, but my guy has a history of cheating on a girlfriend. what's the difference between his ex and me? what if he does it me...

i've made up my mind. i won't be marrying him.. even if i'm having his baby.

i don't think i want to marry a guy i don't trust completely

i'm hoping that, when he comes back, he would change my mind. he would make me fall in love with him again the same way that i did before i found out about his mistakes

i'm hoping that he would prove himself to me, and that we could live together, and my baby doesn't have to grow up without a dad

i'm happy now. i'm pregnant. i'm gonna have a kid. whatever happens, i made him swear to take care of my baby even if we don't end up being together

still i'm praying

i'm praying that he would keep his word and not hurt me again

i don't think i want to be with him... yet